Too Close [Jean]

[Marco Bott]

The days that Marco had grown used to were starting to become rather long...


He liked to think that this was the lifestyle that he had willingly walked into - after all, no one had forced him to become a soldier. His parents thought that it was honorable that their son wanted to join such a revered organization like the Military Police, but the more the young teen listened to what was going on around him, the more he realized.. Perhaps that wasn't what he wanted to do in the first place. The MP's were something, in his childhood, that he looked up to. Every now and then he would see some of the members pass through his home in Jinae, and he would honor them with the utmost of sincerity.

Jean fit the criteria more than he did in the first place; Marco didn't have much of a sense of leadership. Everyone around him might have thought so about him, but he was perfectly aware of what was inside of him, for the most part. Or.. At least he'd like to think.

The Battle for Trost was a hard thing. It was still weighing heavily on his mind, making it hard to concentrate. Dinner was even hard to get through, which was one of his favorite parts of the day. Boy loved his food, but he mostly loved conversing with his friends and trying to make himself feel comfortable and "at home," whatever than concept was supposed to mean. In this world, maybe there was no such thing.

Titans slamming their heavy yet feather-light feet into the cobblestone ground, crushing it as though it was nothing but thin ice. Iron was a prominent scent, and the cadavers that resembled his friends and comrades were lifelessly adorning the rubble. Marco's stomach twisted at the thought, and he had to fight back that tightness in his chest that made him much too uncomfortable. The boy had retired to the barracks rather early, excusing himself from dinner before it was time to get ready for bed. Their training would be bright and early, just as it always was, and they all needed as much rest as they could get. He found that, recently, nightmares of what he had previously seen were the only things he saw in the midst of the night.

He suspected that none of them were getting as much sleep as they used to.

Marco took a seat on the bottom bunk that he knew to be his own; Jean's was overhead. The others would be coming in later, but for now, he had the room to himself. Everyone always looked at him to be the optimist, revered him for being Marco, the one that always had something nice to say about someone. It was hard living up to expectations, but that became even harder when one began to doubt themselves and doubt the path chosen since the very beginning.

He was aware now that the Military Police Brigade only took their positions to keep themselves safe - it didn't feel like there was very much honor, unlike what he had assumed as a child. This had been bothering him, amongst other things, of course. Marco took to the position of leaning his upper body forward, elbows resting on his knees to rest his head on his palm. He knew that the morning wouldn't be a pleasant one due to an empty stomach, but the poor boy just couldn't bring himself to eat right now.

This world turned out to be much.. Much worse than he thought it was.

Seeing those things made it way too real.

[Jean Kirstein]

 The events of the last few days replayed in his mind any time he wasn't occupied by training exercises or sleep. He was somehow alive after encountering his first Titan, multiples even. Even crazier, he'd actually killed one. Granted, it had been in an enclosed space and he'd had time to prepare. It wasn't out in the open, but still. A Titan had been slain by his own hands, his own gear. And then discovering Eren Yaeger was a Titan (or something like it), well. It was a lot to process. For now, Eren seemed to be convinced that he was human; or rather, he was fighting for humanity. Jean was still a little hesitant to believe him, to put any faith in him. But the kid had gotten this far by living on those ridiculous ideals of his. Maybe he could stand to try and see it Eren's way for once?

As far as the Military Police went... Jean wanted so desperately to go back to the way he had once thought of them, to gain back his desire to join them. After Trost, though, the thought of sitting back in a life of relative ease made him feel uncomfortable. The Titans were no longer simply faceless entities kept outside of their walls, never able to destroy the peace humanity had created. He'd heard bits and pieces of the Titans successful breach of Wall Maria, starting with Shiganshina, but he'd been young. The thought had never really crossed his mind that they would have managed to do it again. With the Colossal and Armored Titan still on the loose, it was all too likely that Wall Rose would be lost, just as Wall Maria had been. He silently cursed the Yaeger kid for making him rethink his ideals.

He shook his head as he headed toward the barracks, some bread tucked under his shirt. Jean hadn't thought too much of it when Marco had left his dinner untouched, figuring he had to go to the bathroom or something. But the other boy's prolonged absence made him worry; after the whole Trost ordeal, Marco had been... Different? Preoccupied? Whatever the correct word was, his friend just hadn't seemed like himself lately. There weren't many places on the training grounds for them to go, so he'd headed off to the barracks first. Sure enough, there the freckled boy was, sitting on the bottom bunk with his head in his hands. "Hey, Marco." He began, walking over and sitting beside his friend. "You left without eating, so I brought you some bread." Jean took out the food and offered it to Marco, scanning his face in an attempt to get a better read on him. "Are you okay?"

[Marco Bott]

Honestly, he hadn't been expecting anyone to follow suit with him and come back to the barracks to check on him. Marco was used to being put on the back-burner of everyone's worry, but he couldn't exactly blame others for that - he was the only reason that he was there in the first place. The freckled teen simply didn't allow others to worry over him, because he felt that such a thing would prove to be unnecessary. He was Marco, the optimistic, happy little Military Police wannabe who would do anything and everything to achieve his goal. He was smart, he was kind, he was a perfect human being who was never deterred by anything, especially not a measly titan. 

                 Yeah.. Right.

A familiar voice caught his attention, catching him completely off guard; he jumped visibly, even though he wasn't usually one to get startled easily. Marco's hazel eyes peered before him, only to see the face of his best friend, someone who he put a great deal of trust into. Jean had come.. To check on him? Wow - to think that he would do such a thing. Marco could always see the makings of greatness within the cadet, but everyone seemed to be more preoccupied in looking at himself. He wasn't sure as to why - he simply liked being around others and being nice to them. Funny how such a thing worked; Jean Kirstein had the potential to make a great leader, and he knew exactly what to do in the face of any situation. He made this completely clear during their previous battle, no matter how much he would try to deny it. 

You left without eating, so I brought you some bread.

 

The loaf was offered to him, and instinctively, the Jinae boy grabbed it, looking up towards Jean with a thankful glimmer in his eyes. He simply wasn't expecting anything like this, and the amount of gratitude he felt as uncanny; he knew that they were pretty close, but he never thought that he had made such a strong impact of anyone, let alone Jean. Jean seemed so sure of what he wanted to do, like he was absolutely positive that he was going to end up where he had initially planned. 

At least.. He used to. Marco could sense uncertainty radiating off of the other cadet, which was a bit abnormal, he had to admit. "Oh- Uh-" His words were slightly broken, but he managed to regain his composure after clearing his throat, though there was nothing in his throat obstructing his voice. "Yeah, I'm fine. Thank you." He smiled down at the bread in his hand, taking a small bite and managing to get it down his throat. Even though his body was happy for the sustenance, he could still feel his stomach churning. He couldn't explain why, but even though the bread smelled appetizing, he couldn't help but get that awful scent of death out of his senses... He hated it. 

"At least I think I am. I'm not too sure."

[Jean Kirstein]

There was a clear frown on his face now when Marco finally replied to him. Yeah, he was fine. Sure. And Jean was going to be head of the Military Police. His expression lightened a little into concern after Marco voiced his own doubt about being okay. Well, at least he wasn't trying to take it until he made it. "Is it the whole thing with Trost?" He questioned, knowing that was probably the case. It was kind of weird seeing his best friend like this. Usually the kid was so chipper, almost always a smile on his face or encouraging words ready to be said to anyone who needed them. Jean was the pessimistic one, the one who called it like he saw it. He needed Marco to be happy... But this was war. Or, it was developing into what would soon be war. Sacrifices had to be made, yeah, but did Marco's smile have to be one of them?


"Don't think too much about it, Marco." He added, looking down at his hands. It was still amazing that he'd killed an actual Titan. "It happens. There's death every day. The ones that happened today were just... A little more gruesome." Jean clenched his hands into fists, looking up at his friend's face. He wished he'd paid a little more attention to how his mother had comforted him when he was younger, especially when he had been scared or sad. A lot of the time she would hold him, but that would only do so much. She'd always known just what to say as well. Hesitantly, he scooted a little closer and paused a second before looking away and putting an arm around Marco's shoulders. This was good enough, right? "I can't say everything will be okay, because it probably won't. But we have a better chance of making it better if we watch each other's backs, right?"

[Marco Bott]

Jean's way of comforting certainly was different than everyone else's, but for some reason, that was what made it work the best out of anything else that came in the categorization of consolidation. Marco's hazelnut eyes gleamed with appreciation, though he couldn't really bring his gaze off of the ground. It wasn't like he was entranced by the lovely hardwood flooring or anything, it was simply due to the fact that he was... Quite distraught. Simply bouncing back after something like that was essentially unheard of, and the first exposure to the titan's tyranny is never easy to simply forget. Would the mind block it out for him down the road, or was this just a fact of life that he would now have to face for the rest of his days?

He was startled by the sudden touch around his shoulders. It was strange and all but completely forgotten, but it was still extraordinarily welcomed. The freckled trainee's expression morphed from being surprised to being absolutely at ease. He always did so well whenever someone created a physical connection with him. A simple touch on the shoulder, a hug, a ruffling of the hair - they made Marco feel relaxed and just a little bit more at-home. Jinae would hold a special place in his heart as the place he was from, but he was a firm believer that home was where he was.

He could make this feel like home as long as he had a best friend as amazing as Jean Kirstein sitting beside him. For a few moments, he couldn't help but think of how lucky he was; there were many of them that till sat alone at lunch tables, many of them who had lost their friends during their fight against the titans this go around... He was fortunate enough to still have his, and still maintain his own life. How long he would be able to hold on to it, though, was a totally different story. Marco was beginning to truly understand that, and accepting it was a bit of a hard pill to swallow, though understandably so. It's... Not easy to simply accept a fate such as that.

He would do anything he could to fight. He wanted to be free, but most of all, he wanted to prove his own worth. Whether going into the Military Police to do that was the best path.. The cadet wasn't too terribly sure.

Marco took in a deep breath then helped himself to another bite of his piece of bread given to him by the other male who had his arm around him. After he swallowed it down, he smiled gently and leaned into the touch, finding the warmth to be comforting. "Yeah. You're right." He gave a gentle couple of nods in response to accompany his agreeing words. "It's just.. Really hard, y'know? Watching so many of us die like that.. I knew that it was bad, but I had no idea it was like... Like that." Honestly, were any of them, at least the ones who hadn't been from Shinganshina, expecting anything along the lines of what they were put through for those long hours?

"Kinda makes you wonder when it's gonna be our turn."