Separation Anxiety [Levi]

[Levi Ackerman]

Levi continued with his task, using majority of the shirt until he was happy with the progress made. He dropped one hand, holding the shirt at his side. His other hand remained at her hair, lightly running his fingers through her hair. It was a good deal drier than it had been when he started, but it wasn't perfect. Tch, unacceptable. He needed to continue until his compulsive tendencies were appeased. He wouldn't be cleaning in the pitch dark, but this he certainly could do. He would not be denied this.

He listened to her quiet words, still not entirely sure what her decision was. Yes, for all the mystery about him, he was far easier to understand. He frowned at her but shifted to stand beside her as he dropped the newly damp shirt in with the rest of the pile. He leaned over just enough so that he caught her full attention and he could make eye contact. Stay put, He ordered. He paused for a moment more and moved away. He moved through the halls and back up the stairs quickly.

He retrieved another shirt now that his intended garment had gone to another purpose. He grabbed another item he had found, something that would make it easier for him to dry her hair and set it just so. He didn't use a brush himself, but he had seen a few other women use them and the effect it got for them. It would do to make his self-appointed task easier. He was away from the stove for only a couple of minutes and he felt the affects of the colder areas of the house. A small shiver ran through him but he fought it off. Returning to the warmth of the fire Petra had started was most welcome.

The captain left the third stolen shirt by the pants he had brought down earlier and returned to the blonde's side. He lifted the hairbrush in silent question as he awaited her approval. He had invaded her personal space as she had his once. This time he would offer her the opportunity to refuse him. Somehow, he thought he would get his way as that had been the pattern overall throughout much of his life. He could take no for an answer as long as something was still done about the things that irked him, such as her still slightly damp hair. It was strange that he was this much more focused on hers rather than his own being that he hadn't tried to wring out any water at all. He also had shorter hair so it would dry quicker either way.

And no matter what they were doing, her choice of how they should further proceed still hadn't been set. Don't be stupid. It's not childish to want something. The way you're acting, waffling between the two is though, He finally circled back, responding to her earlier words. Levi didn't think it ridiculous that she wanted more from him, but he really could see why she would. He might be in the military now, but he was still a criminal so that would change her mind should she find that out. Even knowing that he would have yet another person walk away from him, he could very nearly hear Isabel and Farlan yelling in his ear. He should try, he should let her in.

Those that he had loved as much as he was capable knew how hard it was for him. So few people put forth actual effort for him, that he needed to reciprocate. The captain was able to claim that he had a friend in both Hange and Erwin, the only two that he might feel comfortable to do so with. His squad was close to him as he held each life precious and was hard on them to keep them from getting themselves killed. Petra was the only one that stood out, pushing so hard to dig deeper without the overbearing shoving and prodding that the scientist would do. Perhaps his long gone friends were right. Maybe his self-inflicted isolation should draw to a close.

Until she saw the monster beneath and he could return to the darkness once more.

[Petra Ral]

Oh God.. He was moving? Her first instinct was to bring her arms up to her chest to re-conceal what her shirt and bra no longer were, her face a beet red that had been displayed a few times before in some of her most nervous states.

Stay put.

He had leaned in so close to her, so close that she could literally feel his breath lightly against her skin. Her stomach was clenched, butterflies trying to find their way to eat their way through her and make their mark on the outside world. Instead, she felt as though their tickling claw marks would never subside. She was told to stay put, and stay put she certainly did - in fact, Petra didn't move a single muscle the entire time her Captain was away. Needless to say, she would follow any order distributed to her and wouldn't break it for the world.

Levi returned promptly, a brush in his hand; he stood by her side and looked at her, as if waiting for her approval. Her flushed face gave a sweet smile as she leaned her head forward, finding that this odd concept of exposure wasn't as scary as she thought it to be. She was always afraid that a man would look at her for nothing other than her appearance if she were to reveal any aspect about herself, but Levi never once looked away from just her face, mostly her eyes. He was as fierce and composed as ever, not even giving it a second glance, which was... nice.

Petra was.. Really trying to do the same, but looking at the lower half of his figure was a little too hard to resist, with her head dipped forward as it was. She gulped once, not really knowing what to do with her hands at the current point in time. He began to speak again, that velvet voice of his almost sounded like music to her ears - she couldn't help but give a small, delicate laugh escaping her lips. He was right, after all; just as he seemingly always was. Levi was spot on in most aspects, and this one was surely no different. He could read just about anything like a book, but she was coming to find that she broke the mold on that one - he had no idea how to read her in any way shape or form. From a different viewpoint, it was almost reassuring that she could become something more to him.

Or maybe she was just too dense to realize that she already was?

"Okay, then..." As the brush was running through her hair, Petra took in an unbelievably deep breath, trying to control her trembling fingers as they clasped together tightly. "I want.. I want to be by your side for as long as I'm able." She muttered quietly, that smile of hers never fading. She was being truthful until the end with her Captain; she couldn't even begin to consider the possibility of lying to him. "If that means that I can be close to you as something more than just a teammate or if I get to fight under your command until the day I die, I'd be happy.. Either way." Petra was choosing her words very carefully, her stomach clenched up tightly, causing her voice to sound quieter than it usually was.

"I've devoted myself to you, s-" She stopped herself, slowly bringing herself to look up slightly and look him in the eyes, a strange flare shining within her own.

"...Levi."

[Levi Ackerman]

The elder soldier caught the small nod of his comrade and shifted to stand behind her once more. Her acquiescence to his silent request was going to allow him to satiate a need that would calm him. He gently began brushing her hair, focusing on something simple. It was just about the only thing uncomplicated about their night. He had shown a side of himself that he didn't like others to know about. She was proving that her affections for him ran so much deeper than he actually expected. Yes, infatuation was one thing that was easily picked out, but this ran so much deeper.

He frowned slightly as he tried to pick his own words out with such care. He could hide behind her for long as her golden locks got drier from the friction of the brush, and much softer under his attention. He took a few deep breaths and dropped his hand to his side, the brush dangling there now useless. His work was done and yet he felt unsatisfied with it. It wasn't so much that he was displeased with the outcome, but more he was still in some turmoil over this relationship in sudden flux. He didn't know how to help it gain stability again since none of his really ever had any stability. No matter how long he had been involved with anyone, friends, acquaintance, anything. Something always threatened it and it could change at a moment's notice.

This was no different, but it certainly took a new direction. It wasn't that she was being taken from him, but rather she was running toward him. He set the brush down and moved in front of her to see what the result of his work was from this point of view. He adjusted a few strands of hair more to his liking and let his gaze drift down to meet hers. She confessed to wanting anything from him, just needing to be near him. That sounded so unhealthy. It wasn't just that it didn't seem emotionally healthy, though he was no expert on how to properly manage emotions at all. He also courted death in a way. So many met their end around him that he was more thinking of when it would happen rather than if.

What stopped him from pushing her away entirely in this moment, with those thoughts running through his head, was his name. He couldn't recall ever having heard her call him Levi before. It was always "sir" or "captain". His blank expression softened, finding it strange to hear his name from her lips. I don't know what I didn't to deserve such devotion, He said quietly, his hand playing with her hair falling to her shoulder. He shifted forward, trying to determine just how terrible of an idea it would be to get involved with another soldier. Was it even wise for him to get involved with anyone? He didn't see himself as worthy of such a relationship, but it wasn't his decision alone. Petra had some say in this as it would be her heart he broke, no matter how he did so.

This was a new fight that he had never entered into. This was not a situation he was comfortable trying to fight through as there was no true fight to be had. His brow furrowed, trying to calculate each angle as he usually would, but hadn't any idea on how to determine the outcomes. Are you certain about this, Petra? You may have noticed this is not more forte. It was as far from his forte as it could get. He was raised, trained, to be unstoppable, to fight through everything. Each moment was a decision, each encounter affected his survival. This was not simply about survival, but living. It was one thing for her to take orders without question, but could she handle him being just as crass in situations that had nothing to do with humanity's continued existence. As tough as she was, which she proved on every expedition, would she be able to really get involved with someone she knew so little about?

[Petra Ral]

She wished that she could convey to him why she respected him. The reasons that she looked up to him were so vast in number, though, she didn't know how she was supposed to begin to show her true devotion towards her Captain. She could see the response in him whenever she addressed him in the different manner - it felt strange upon her lips, but it also felt comforting and nice... She had never dreamed of calling him anything other than what she felt he was entitled to, but.. God, all of this was so confusing, and she was the one that was supposed to be so in-tune with all of her emotional issues. Petra was finding herself completely dumbfounded these days because of this stone cold criminal.

Yes, this wasn't his forte, and she was perfectly aware of that. She walked into this knowing that he was clueless - Hell, she was just about as clueless as he was regarding all of it. She hadn't a damn fragment of a thought on how these romantic relationships worked, but she did know that she would do anything she could to remain by her leader's side. He looked genuinely troubled by the way things were going, as if he felt he really.. Didn't deserve this love and affection now being showed to him. That hurt her and stung more than she could have ever imagined.

"That.. that's okay." She responded softly, a hopeful glare appearing upon her features. She didn't know what she was expecting out of this at this point, but all she knew was that she was so happy to be where she was. In front of this beautiful, courageous man that had put his life on the line for so many other soldiers. He showed intense bravery and skill whenever others faltered, and he was always there to be the backbone of humanity as a whole - he was the strongest soldier alive in more ways than one. Not anyone would do the things that he did and exhibit the type of leadership skills that he was able to dish out. It was respectable and commendable, and Petra was willing to do anything in her power to make sure that he was cared for, loved and accepted.

"I don't expect anything from you. I just want to try and make you happy." Her voice maintained a gentle tone, lessening in volume with each word, deciding that it was, yet again, time to take a chance. Petra slowly took a step forward, resting her head back in that place she found she loved - right on his shoulder next to his neck. Her arms loosely wrapped around his torso, holding him with all the adoration she could muster out of her thin frame. The soldier gave a small sigh against the Captain's skin, embracing the warmth that was coercing between the bare skin-on-skin contact that she loved.

"Is this okay?"

[Levi Ackerman]

Petra was truly much to good for him. She would give everything of herself to others. The blonde before him was so selfless that he couldn't understand how she could be as strong as she was. It wasn't just the will, the physical strength. But her putting everyone else before herself was ridiculous. Why would she not fight for more for herself? Maybe this was her way of being selfish. She wanted him for some misguided reason, and this gentleness was her way of winning the battle against his stubbornness.

Interesting. It was a technique he hadn't expected and he surely wouldn't have thought it capable of working on him. He frowned as she pressed in, wrapping her arms around him. He reciprocated, feeling the smooth, soft skin under his fingers and her warmth against his front while the fire continued to heat from behind. He considered his current position. This was not an unfavorable physical encounter. If he were less closed off, he might have taken more advantage of their state of undress, but he was not quite that crude. It was strange how terrible a person he could be, easily condemning others with his words and yet minding himself to such a degree with Petra in this moment.

That wasn't the only thing though. He was allowing himself to be weakened by this connection. He feared letting her in, but it would be the only way to offer her some kind of return to her investment of being so devoted to him. It was disturbing that he had garnered such a reaction from anyone. It was a liability for her to allow this. He held her tighter, allowing for that fear of losing someone source through him. He didn't flinch at all the deaths around them. Levi knew that they were necessary and the men and women they fought beside understood that death was likely. It was damn near certain. As long as they did their best to keep causalities to a minimum, than every loss had to be acceptable to some level.

It was dangerous to allow himself to get so attached. What he considered weakness for him made his desire to help and protect her grow. He knew she was entirely capable, but the familiar desire to keep those around him safe that he had in the Underground sparked anew. It was ... different in a way. He frowned harder. He didn't like this in the least but something told him there was little he could do to stop it. Yes, this is okay, He answered, shifting as if to hide his lower face against her shoulder. There was no one else to hide from, but it felt better to do so.

Don't be a pain in the ass, Petra. What do you really want? What will make you happy? He inquired, knowing that his happiness could not be the only thing she desired. That was just moronic and he refused to accept that the entirety of her happiness depended so strongly on his own. She should never be so terribly dependent on anyone for anything. There had to be something he could do to keep her pleased and not with his own smile. That just simply wasn't the way he worked. I don't want to hear you say that you just want me happy again. That cannot possibly be the only thing you desire and I refuse to take on such responsibility. Pushing himself to be more joyful than he was was not only a chore, but he thought it impossible. He could be pleased with things, sure, but it rarely showed and nothing had sparked a more profound feeling.

Forcing that on himself was not something he was willing to do and he would not be responsible to maintain a persona so she wouldn't be upset. He had enough put on his shoulders that he never wanted. That could largely be blamed on Erwin and he was not at all opposed to doing so. He would demean anyone he deemed worthy at any chance he got. That was perhaps another flaw that he would think would pure Petra away and make him less desirable. For someone so keen on following orders at every turn, why would she be so attracted to possibly the most defiant soldier in the military? It was shocking he hadn't been kicked out for his insubordination yet.

[Petra Ral]

Yes, this is okay.

That was.. The most comforting that she had ever heard come out of anyone's mouth. She felt as if, at this point, she was now accepted into his life in a much different way than she was before this. She had almost forgotten about the initial discomfort she experienced knowing that she was unclothed in front of this man, but he was treating her with such decency and respect that she didn't even know was possible... It was the exact kind of treatment that she always felt Levi had within him, but she had simply never had the opportunity to see it firsthand. It was for these reasons that she had fallen for him after working under his command. She remembered the day that he first came into the rankings.. She was no more than a trainee at the time, but she could tell that there was so much hidden underneath his outer shell that he displayed to the world.

Now, with her body within his arms, gripping her tightly, fingertips razing over the skin atop her back and leaving a trail of goosebumps wherever they were to roam, she felt like she had finally cracked through it and located the man she knew he could always be. A sweet, caring and kind individual that cared for others much more than he let on; a damaged person beyond the point of repair, but Petra willed herself to act like the adhesive that would mend him yet again, even if she didn't have much to work with. She was, in fact, a fixer, as some people were to call it, and she didn't care the cost it would take to bring Levi into a better place than he was now.. She'd figure it out.

Petra listened to her Captain diligently, wanting to laugh again when he ordered her to not be a "pain in the ass. Yeah, that kind of was what she had been these past few days, always pestering him and trying to get under his skin to find the things she was certain were there the entire time. He mentioned that being happy, for him, was no more than responsibility, but that wasn't what she was going for in the slightest - Petra figured that there was no way to explain it for now, so she internally insisted that she could just continue on her current path, attempting to convince him that happiness wasn't some sort of chore that had to be met on a daily basis. It was so much more than that, and Petra wanted to show him more than anything in this world. Without a damn clue on how she'd accomplish it, though, the soldier was essentially flying blind.

"I.. I guess I just want," She paused, losing herself in her deep thoughts. What was it that she wanted in a selfish perspective? She wanted to stand by his side because he wanted him to be happy, but she also.. Wanted him in general. She sighed, allowing her arms to tighten up again, her nails gently scraping the back of his skin in an attempt to keep him in place for the rest of his days. She never wanted him to pull away from her. She never wanted him to leave her to be cold. She never wanted him to lock himself in a room all by himself again, when she could tell that there were some days he liked to talk more than others, though it was much different than any normal conversations. She never wanted her leader to feel as though he went unappreciated, because Petra loved him beyond the point of understanding.

"Levi, I.. I just want you." How else was she supposed to explain the things that she was feeling, this clenching in her stomach and the flush behind her cheeks. The heat that was pooling in her chest and threatening to find its way into the surface in the form of loving, doting confessions... It was so overwhelming, but not necessarily in a negative manner. "I want you and everything that you are. I don't care if those rumors about you are true or the things you did in the past." She pressed her cheek against his neck in a more prominent fashion, almost as though she were nuzzling into him like a kitten would. "You.. Mean so much."

[Levi Ackerman]

Levi tensed under her hands, feeling the nails across his skin. For a moment, it was just simply an automatic reaction. How many times had he been threatened? How often had something that could seriously hurt him get pressed into his back? He took a deep breath and forced himself to relax. This was not that kind of situation. He was safe here, highly unlikely to get hurt. She was so sincere in her confession that, as dangerous as it was, the captain believed that there was no threat to his health. He worried that encouraging this would just get her killed faster seeing as she might actually try to give her life for his. That would be a conversation for another day.

He ran a hand up and down her back, trying to be soothing. This was turning out to be quite the emotional night. He was certain this was not what had been in mind when their squads were sent out on their mission. He knew that no one would want to know that he had an attack of sorts riding through the rain. It wasn't okay for humanity's strongest to be getting worked up no matter how traumatic his past. He really didn't think anyone cared if Petra suddenly confessed everything, her feelings, her desire. No one needed to know his reaction to it all.

You may reconsider that, Ral. Rumors are easy to dismiss, He said quietly, pulling away slightly so he could look at the blonde. He thought that the gossip flying around him kind. Being that he knew that Erwin wouldn't say anything about who he had been and he hadn't told a soul where he came from, it was all just speculation. No one would ever get the entire story unless he allowed it, which wasn't likely. It would be a lie if he said he wasn't sure that the truth would turn her away. For now, she didn't know. For now, she had her delusions of him being a much better man than all the rest. She was allowed the fantasy until he was willing to fully lift the veil.

He stared at her, studying the look on her face. There was such softness, such strength, and a multitude of things in those big brown eyes that he didn't think he would ever fully comprehend. Their pasts created such a void between them, a chasm of misunderstanding. Yet, she still wanted a connection regardless of it all. We'll try until then, Levi stated, at least willing to try for now. He would have to work at putting up a secondary defense for when she was finally tired of him, afraid, whatever it would be that drove her off. He just needed to be sure that he would be as she found him and their team would suffer as little friction as possible.

He leaned forward, pressing his lips to hers. They still had time before the sun rose and the rain cleared. He was in no hurry to go back into the damp night and ride without any proper light to lead them. He was also still wearing wet pants and boots which were uncomfortable at best and he didn't need it getting worse again. This was an acceptable way to spend their night until they fell asleep. Given her earlier actions, Levi didn't think that Petra would mind him initiating a kiss. In fact, she would most likely be surprised and overjoyed that he was so agreeable to this new arrangement. They would work out the logistics of this new status in the morning on their ride to the other side of the forest. There were at least two squads that would need their assistance. It would be plenty of time to at least set the ground work.